Show Don’t Tell.
Sometimes Action is Better
I’m an avid reader and writer. Right now, I’m scouring my manuscript for overused phrases, passive verbs, cliches and well, words that are just blah! Writers are told to show, don’t tell. And there are plenty of books you can buy to bone up on emotional expressions. (Cliche intended.)
When these expressions are encountered hundreds of times, the characters can start to come across as caricatures. I’m tired of the eyes rolling, blazing, narrowing, gazing, staring, blinking, and glaring. Or stomach clenching, twisting, tightening.
These common expressions interrupt my reading experience, and I find myself thinking: Couldn’t the author think of a better way?
It’s a challenge for a writer to come up with words that are nuanced in a way that fits the character or the scene. Sometimes it means finding a unique way to show a physical reaction or changing the action to something new. And sometimes it’s better to let the reader infer or read between the lines. (Cliche intended.)
As I go through my manuscript now, I take my time to come up with new words that satisfy me and ultimately are more engaging to the reader. It takes time. Sometimes I might spend an hour or more on one paragraph or dialogue exchange.
And just so I don’t leave you hanging, here are a couple of before and after paragraphs.
In this scene, Maya isn’t supposed to say anything about her father’s job loss, but she blurts it out.
Before
“Dad got fired!” I blurted out, my eyes sweeping the room.
After
“Dad got fired!” I leaned over, grabbed a handful of chips, and stuffed them into my mouth.
“What?” Tyler asked.
I pointed to my mouth and mumbled, “Can’t talk with my mouth full.”
I replaced “my eyes sweeping the room” because it doesn’t say much. She might be nervous, or she might want to get a rise out of another character.
In the revision, I wanted the reader to infer that she’s deflecting. She doesn’t want to answer. I let the character scramble for a way out.
Sometimes just changing the action can change the emotion. In the scene that follows, I got rid of the “heart racing” because it tells the reader that Maya was afraid.
Before: The girl yelped, and I slipped away to first period, my heart still racing.
After: The girl yelped, and I dashed away to first period, resisting the urge to look back.
This gives the reader two pieces of behavior to interpret.
“Dashed away” is an action verb that lets the reader infer the character wants to escape as quickly as possible.
“Resisting the urge to look back” creates a conflict: The character wants to know what’s happening, but she’s afraid of what she might see. It’s a more subtle way of saying “heart racing,” but “resisting the urge to look back” conveys a slightly different meaning.
Follow along as I revise Ruination, Book 1of The Unmaking Trilogy (2027)